Sweet Sorrows
by Mikaela Rose Malfoy
Summary: Set six months after prom Addy went back to Mark who came to New York to be with her. Derek disappeared after Meredith chose Finn. But now he's back and Addy has a surprise for him. Maddison and MerFinn
1. Prologue

**_Summary:_** Set six months after the third season premier Addison still works at Seattle Grace she is dating Mark and it seems to be going really well. He moved after she refused to come to New York she phoned him and told him she wanted to give them a chance. Derek left town though he said goodbye to Meredith three months ago she had chosen Finn and he couldn't deal with both woman being with someone else. But now Derek's back in Seattle after Richard begged him to come back. Bringing with him Addison's younger sister Keira whose starting her second year internship there. And what happens when Derek comes and finds out Addy's little secret that she's kept from him.

**Notes:** The first part of this will be set six months before. In a way that I think Derek should have told Addy about what he did. He owed her that much but the writers never gave her that respect. She had to find out by finding those underwear. But apart from that she deserves a whole lot better and so does Meredith. Mind you this may turn out Addek but it could turn out Maddison. Keep this in mind I haven't seen the season 3 premier. I haven't met Mark, Callie or Finn this is just my perception of McSteamy, Callie and McVet. Oh and Addy and Meredith hashed it out verbally when they were held hostage by a dead patients family member five months ago and they are now friends. Burke is slowly recuperating still but he's back at work working on small cases. Izzy is making progress because of all her friends.

**Pairings:** Mark/Addy, Mer/Fin, Alex/Keira, Christina/Burke, George/Callie and Izzy/OC

**Disclaimer:** None of them belong to me.

Sweet Sacrifices

_Prologue_

Addy sat down on the bed she didn't know if Derek would be back tonight. Perhaps she'd been a little sadistic hanging the underwear up on the board. But she deserved a whole lot better than what he gave her. She had her bag packed and she'd sent it to the hotel. She'd found a picture of her and Derek on their wedding day and to her defense she didn't quite rip it to shreds. She held it in her hands or what remained of it anyways all right so maybe she had gone a little overboard. She heard the door to the trailer open and she looked up. He was home she guessed she stood up and walked out and saw him there. He was smiling a big grin like a cheshire cat. "So where did you screw her this time the broomcloset, the elevator maybe or maybe she's not good enough for that backseat of your car?" she asked. He'd never let her explain so why should she let him. Wait she was still here unlike him.

He turned around and she saw the shock on his face the smile wiped right off it she noticed. Wasn't expecting me was he? Thought I'd walk away he could tell she was angry and hurt and he couldn't blame her. Hadn't he done what she'd done. Except all those months ago he'd walked out without an explanation. But here she was standing trying not to show the fact that he'd hurt her. Thats what he could truly say he had always loved about her. She never stood down from what she believed in. "Addy I never meant to hurt you I didn't mean you to find out the way you did," he said. If he'd stayed in New York he would have never met Meredith hell maybe he would have worked his relationship out with Addison. But he'd let it fail he blamed her for as long as he could. Her and Mark but now he was just a big fat hypocrite.

Addison looked at him and felt the tears start to fall she didn't try to suck them in or anything like that. There was no point her very being was being ripped apart because right now he was a pretty big damn asshole. She deserved better Mark had told her enough times after Derek left New York when she'd stayed with him. But she was ashamed of what happened between her and Mark. She'd let that hang over her head. But enough was enough she had enough of feeling sorry for him. "Derek you know what you are your a hypocrite a big fat hypocrite. You made a choice I didn't come running to you and say choose me no I stood back and let you make that choice." She took a deep breath and bit her lip "I wanted you to give me that divorce I wanted you to stay with her but no you were selfish and you hoped that it would sort itself out. But when it didn't when you didn't get what you wanted you hurt me. You slept with her you left me there out on the dance floor and you slept with her." Addison sat down and shook her head. She looked at him. "If she wasn't going to choose you, I would have been second best I have been ever since I came here and I hate it."

Derek sat across from her he had never wanted to hurt her god he had just wanted too much at the same time god he wasn't sure if you could love two woman at the same time but that was his dilema he did. He'd told Meredith tonight that he loved her and that he'd made the wrong choice. And Addison was right he hadn't forced his hand to choose her that had been his choice. And it wasn't that he regretted the choose. Okay maybe a little but not because of why Addison thought. He regretted it because he felt like he had failed that he could never make her happy again. He didn't try to comfort her in anyway. Second best was not a way he would ever describe Addison. "Yes Addy I am a hypocrite I don't know about big and fat but I am a hypocrite." He hadn't meant to hurt her like the way he knew he had he had made both their lives miserable and he actually hated to ask her whether she loved Mark or not. And was that the reason why she had wanted a divorce so that she could go back to him. "Your my best friend you always have been and always will be." He pressed his hand into hers and smiled. "You will stay here wont you and you won't be like me who goes running?"

Addy scowled at him she currently hated and loved him if that was even possible. She wanted to knock him a shot but she couldn't. Though not that she didn't feel like it because goddamit she did. I mean how many times had she said sorry over the last few months since he'd made her choice. But no he didn't listen stubborn assed man. But she wouldn't admit it but Mark was right their marriage had been over long before Meredith Grey had shown up. "I won't run thats your choice of transport mine is to stay and have as much fun being a single woman as I can." Oh all right for maybe a short little while until I can get someone to sweep me off my feet. But I wont throw it in his face. Addy stood up and smiled at him. "You don't throw her in my face like you have been and I wont shove anyone else." She grabbed her jacket and her purse.

Derek looked at her and nodded, "I promise I wont we will be discreet," he said. Thats if she chooses me of course she may not she may go with the vet. But I did just declare my love for her that has got to mean something right. Hopefully I'm right. He wondered what Addy meant by shoving someone in his face nope better not ask yea thats it better not ask. Though mind you it was his business whether she walked out with a stranger. I mean even Mark would be better than that. Suck it in Shepherd and say it you know you can. "I forgive you and maybe thats the wrong thing to say but I guess I subconsciously forgave you a long time ago about Mark and Addy I want you to be happy and hell even if its with him."

She crossed her arms and tapped her foot but she was only joking she didn't mean it like that. She hated the fact that he knew her so well. And so what if she'd heard that the Head of Plastic Surgery was now open and Richard had offered it to Mark. He'd told her but she wouldn't say anything. She smiled though "I want you to be happy too even if its with her." She kissed his forehead and put her jacket on. She went to the door "she'd be a fool to choose him over you. I wont say goodbye cause it isn't its a see you later." She walked out and closed the door. He watched her go and sighed it wasn't a happy sigh it was a things are changing and I'm happy about it.

Outside Addy stopped and breathed in she got in her car and she drove off she almost yipeed she would never have to live in that trailer ever again. She sighed she heard her cell phone ring she had a feeling she knew who it was and it brought a smile to her face. She pulled to the side of the road and took it out and the caller ID flashed Mark. She flipped it open "hey you," she said.

_Six Months Later_

_Addy's POV_

I brush my red hair away from my face as I come out of the on-call room god I feel like I'm back to being an intern. I smooth down my rumpled clothes and I feel Mark walk out behind me looking less rumpled than I do. I glower at him when he comes out its not fair that he can look so good after what we just did. Maybe it has something to do with the fact he's a plastic surgeon and it comes with the territory. I turn and look at him and he looks quite pleased with himself. Quite smug. I shake my head I have patients and I still haven't had lunch thanks to him pulling me into that room. Six months have passed since Derek and I ended it. As usual after Meredith broke it off with him he ran I shake my head gone back to New York the last time I heard. But he's on the way back or so Richards told me. "I'll see you later baby," Mark whispered kissing the side of my neck before walking off.

I watch him go nearly five months since I decided that I actually wanted a relationship with him. Its our anniversary in two days he feels the need to make me feel like a princess. I finally bought myself a house and don't ask I bought myself a dog. I won't admit it to anyone but myself but I loved Doc. Okay so I did admit that to Meredith. Thats the biggest surprise I'm actually friends with her now. And freakishly enough I'm friends with Christina as well. Though that had more to do with helping Burke who I am happy to say is making good progress. Reminds me of Richard and being too stubborn to actually admit when he's down. And Izzy finally forgave me and we work a lot more together now than before. She's decided that she wanted to go into pre-natal. She's still Baileys intern but she works a lot more with me.

Speaking of I see her standing talking to one of the nurses and giving instructions no doubt. We have a mother nine months pregnant coming in with complications. She'd come into see me before and we hadn't found anything wrong but it had only shown up a few days ago when the baby had moved. It had an abnormal growth on its back but it was probably nothing. I walk over to Izzy and smile. "So how's she doing?" I ask.

Izzy smiles and looks at the woman I roll my eyes I know what she's thinking and I can almost predict what she's about to say. Well okay I said almost. "She's fine she's much calmer the husbands finally shown up which is something good." Yes I'd heard about this her husband had left as soon as he heard about the growth typical man but at least he was back now and I hoped it was for good for the womans sake and their baby. I see Izzy looking at me and I nod as sort of acknowledgement that she can rip me off. She'd told me about the many times she had felt left out with Meredith and Christina. And now we were just as close which I'm glad I have a friend in her. "So how was your liasion with Dr.Sloane?"

I smirk and look at her, "quite enjoyable though my backs a little sore from the thump he gave it against the door after he locked it," she said. I shake my head while she laughs figures no sympathy whatsoever from interns. I look in on the patient I see she's crying oh god what the hell has her husband done now. I shake my head I wish things were simpler for woman like her. But nothing was simple and it got worst because no one cared enough about anyone else. I smile at Izzy and and walk over to the room and walk inside. She looks up and gives me a teary smile. I sit down beside her. I wont push she always tells me.

She swallowed and blew her nose, and turned her head towards me, "his secretary's pregnant I mean god she's nineteen he impregnanted a woman half his age what kind of person does that," she said. She looked down at her hands god well okay Mer wasn't half his age and he hadn't gotten her pregnant but Addy knew what Amanda Ford was going through. I don't know how an older man can go for a younger woman. I had just about collapsed in grief when I found out about Derek and Meredith. But I'd come back stronger and I'd even gotten a friend out of it. What more could I ask for. Though I knew where Derek was living with my sister Keira in New York no I don't mean like that my sisters always had a soft spot for him and gave him a place to stay. And I was excited she was doing her second year of internship here. "He's left me for a little girl after sixteen years of marriage what kind of man does that?" She looked at me and I was drawn in. "Your lucky to have a handsome looking man like yours who treats you like a queen."

Addy wasn't sure what type of man did that. I mean Derek wasn't even that type of man. "I don't know what type of man does that Amanda I really don't know at all," I say. I'm amazed that anyone would want to stay with a man like that. Though I can probably say I'm amazed at a lot of things. In the time that I've known this woman her husband has walked out on her at least four times and he's come grovelling back each time. I was hoping this time would be no different but maybe Amanda would be better off as a single mother you never know. I had thought about it many a time. But I smile when she mentions Mark she had met him the other week there when he'd walked in and given me a rose. "I am but you will find your one true love too."

I see her shrug her shoulders I know she doesn't believe me cause she turns her head away and looks out the window I sigh and start walking out the room. "When you know you found out how did you feel did you feel happy and as you are getting nearer do you feel safe in that love that he'll always be there always treat you like a princess?" she asked. I stop and turn and see she's looking at me again and I don't know how to answer that because I don't know the answer I have few doubts that Mark would ever leave me for a younger model but I suppose you never know anything could happen. But he'd proven six months ago that he was in love with me when he came here gave up everything in New York to be with me. "Will you love him forever?" she continued.

I went back and sat down on the side of her bed and took her hand and I look at her, "no I don't know what will happen in the future no one knows that because thats exactly what it is, its a mystery waiting to happen," I say. I look up and I see Izzy standing outside the room presumably she's waiting to take her temperature or make sure the baby was fine. I shook my head and she seemed to understand she walked off but not to far in case I needed her for something. "I'll tell you a story about someone I used to know well I still do know him I used to be married to him well it wasn't that long ago we divorced six months ago well less than that actually. Once he made my heart flutter with glee but he hurt me badly but I forgave him and I found someone who was a true love."

God I hoped this helped her and she didn't ask me how he hurt me that hadn't been my intention. She seemed to understand what I was saying. "He must have been one crazy man to let you go," she said. She gave me a small smile yea back then lady I thought that as well. I thought he was even crazier after he left the bloody state. I smile and leave the room I watch as Izzy goes in and Amanda seems much calmer now and thats what I wanted.

I look down at my stomach and I smooth my hand over it the bump there is evident since well I am nearly six months pregnant though very few people in the hospital know that and I want to keep it that way. Even when Derek comes I wont tell him all he'll know is, is that its Mark's child and he'll accept that. I mean it wasn't okay that it could be Derek's child Mark knew about the one night stand I had with Derek back then but I'm pretty sure it's Marks he says he'll bring it up either way. Yes very gentlemanly of him but it doesn't help me to figure this out. I press my lips together and look at the file in front of me. I'd have to face the music one day and today wasn't that day. I hear someone come up behind me I expect its probably one of the nurses. "Hey Addy," someone whispers in my ear.

I turn around slowly and oh yes that voice is recognizable from miles away Derek Shepherd neurosurgeon was back at Seattle Grace. And looking hotter than ever if I do say myself. Oh stop having thoughts like that she almost hit herself but he probably thought I was mad or something. "Derek," I say.

To be continued...

Tell me what you think do you think BOSBaby of Sloane should be McSteamy's or McDreamy's opinions needed thankyou. And reviews wanted and needed.


	2. Chapter 1 : Empty Page

Notes: sorry about that my computer went on the blink

Chapter 1 – Empty Page

Addie's POV

I feel my heart flutter goddamit I'm not supposed to feel like this about him. He's not supposed to make my heart flutter in my chest anymore. Its not fair I'm with Mark and he's with I don't know Keira said there was someone but she never told me who. Though she told me it wasn't her. Probably a good thing too though I wouldn't have had anything against it, its just that it would have freaked mom out yea thats what it was. It's been two weeks since Derek arrived back in Seattle and its been fun avoiding him and pretending he's not there. Which fortunately I haven't needed a consult or anything from him which is fine with me. He and Mark have talked I know that according to Mark they are slowly mending their friendship so which is good for both of them. And I'm happy doesn't make this any easier though. "Your going to have to eventually talk to him you know," a familiar voice beside me says.

Its Keira miss-little-know-it-all I hate that she has always been like that as well. Especially when it came to me and Derek. My sister has always had to have the last word in edge wise I turn to her and cross my arms she's staying with Mark and I in our house and takes a kick out of it whenever she catches us making out on the couch or something. "I know that miss-know-it-all but I can take my time we had a conversation but I'm dealing with this differently than most people would," I say. Oh yea avoidance is the name of the game here. We had been doing it ever since that night the night she didn't make it. We never dealt with that and probably never would. "Derek and I haven't had a real conversation in four years not since that night."

I didn't need to continue Keira knew what I meant. That was the best thing about having a sister that understood. No one had been there for either of us or I'm sure or I'd hope that we would have been able to work it out somehow. I don't know how but somehow I would have been able to make it better. And that wedge might not have been driven in between us. "Yes I know Addy and that night changed it all for everyone and it hurt and it sucked but why couldn't you two just sit down and talk about it?" Keira asked.

I almost laughed at that talk me and Derek we used to be good at that. In the early stages of our marriage we were really good at that among other things. We'd tell each other everything and anything when we weren't doing other things. We'd been through everything together and nothing would be able to change that for all the money in the world the two of them would always be the way they were. When he'd left me for Meredith I expected him to fight for her after she chose Finn but no he did what he always did he ran and hid Derek Shepherd had always been the best at that. "Keira Derek and I have always had this moment where we were going to talk but we never did and he through himself into work was hardly ever home I mean do you think he even noticed when I spiralled into an abyss of darkness that was my own hell no he didn't," I say. "I needed him to be there to hold me but he wasn't he pulled away almost like it was my fault that she was gone."

I look down and I feel her eyes just staring at me and I know she's trying to think up something reassuring to say but theres nothing that she could say that would help me. It may have helped a really long time ago but that was a really long time ago and it hurt more than anything else. I hold up my hand telling her not to say anything. I have patients who wont wait while my sister thinks up a kind thing to say. I pick up the chart of my patient and walk away I round the corner and bump into someone. "Oh god I'm sorry," a familiar voice says.

I look up and yes sure enough there's Derek it may be a big hospital but the hallways weren't that big and what was he doing on my floor anyways. He doesn't have a chart and I know I didn't call for a consult though I wasn't the only person working on this floor. But that wasn't the point. What was he doing on her floor. I brush my fingers through my red hair and look down at my shoes and then I look at him and give him a small smile. "Hi Derek," I say. Oh yea smooth Addy smooth. He has a tiny smile on his face which actually makes me feel better. But yea I'm also procrastinating. I feel so stupid thats my problem I shouldn't be feeling what I'm feeling but I am and I hate it. I'm with Mark but when it Derek everything seemed to go out the window. "Ah how have you been?"

I'm still looking down and he tips my chin up and he looks into my eyes and I see worry there and pain and something else. And unfortunately I know what that something else is. But I don't want to comprehend it, it would bring up too many things which I don't need. "I'm all right I'm worried about you, you walked away from me the day that I came," he said. Ah yes that was not my proudest moment I must admit. You don't generally try to get as far away from your ex-husband as humanly possible. But I'd hid yes I'll admit it when it comes to such things I hide and I hide very well. And Richard had kept me in that meeting for the next few hours god bless his soul. I know Adele had wanted him to retire but without Richard there I don't think this hospital could function. "Addy."

Right you haven't answered him though technically it wasn't a question. Oh shut up would you and answer the man he's staring at you weirdly. I look into those deep blue eyes you know thats one of the many, many things that had made me fall in love with him. All right the truth not the entire truth some of the truth. Lying won't help you and you'll probably be caught out later anyways. He's tracing my cheek now no no bad move Derek. "I've been avoiding you because I don't know how to deal with you being back I mean Mer and Mark are good at this but I'm not I've never been good at making sure I don't make a fool of myself." I bit my lip and took a step away from him. "You broke my heart Derek not just with Meredith but with leaving again. So this I don't know how to deal with this it scares me I love Mark."

I see him nod oh yea nodding what does that mean give me a response I don't even care what the hell it is. Hell thats not the truth I do care I care way too much for an ex-wife. "I needed to disappear I'm good at this running thing I've been doing it all my life I mean if it wasn't running from the life my parents wanted for me it was running from you and what happened. Their death killed us and I think we didn't know how to deal with that. And it put a strain on everything that we were." We'd never talked about this before I guess we never knew how to make that right. We are surgeons we have this thought that we can fix everything but not everything within our grasp can be saved. We wanted to save everyone but we can't thats not the way life is meant to be. "Addy I'm sorry about everything."

I look at him "you have nothing to be sorry about this is my fault just as much as it is yours," I say. I brush my fingers through my hair I should stop doing that it looks like I'm self-conscious or something. I almost wish I could turn back the clock back to before I started the affair with Mark but I'm kidding myself things were bad even before I started that or was it oh god nevermind. "We aren't very good at dealing we never have been I think its because in our heads we're surgeons and we should be able to deal with almost anything but when it comes to personal stuff it just stops our brains think its wrong to have to deal with something almost so meaningless that we shut down." I take his hand and smile "I couldn't forget about what we had if I tried it was eleven years of nearly pure bliss."

Derek laughed and I see him shake his head its good to hear a laugh I don't think we do that enough in life and maybe we should I mean they do say laughing is the best medicine I'm not sure about that but maybe they are on to something. But god who knows. "Well I wouldn't want to forget that either you'll always have a special place in my heart no matter what," he said. He puts his arms around me and we hug, "Addy I need my best friend back and I want to be able to tell her things." That will take time but I think we can work on that hell I gave Mark a second chance to prove everything would work out between us so you know there is probably still hope for me yet.

I pull back and smile, "maybe there's hope for you yet Dr.Shepherd so wheres this new girlfriend of yours I want to meet her unless she's too scared to meet me," I say. Okay so maybe I'm a tad sadistic I'm not going to do anything to her I just want to meet her. I want to size her up see if she's worthy of Derek's love. See I'm well on my way to being a good best friend. Of course on the other hand this might be his baby yea okay he doesn't need to know that right now though. But you'll have to tell him your pregnant because Mark said you have to do it. Chicken of a man.

I see him look around him what is she working on this floor I mean I know from Mark that she was beginning work here. But please not in the neo-natal unit I don't think I could deal with that. That would be going beyond the call of duty and I'd want to hit Derek over the head for falling for someone else in this field. Maybe she doesn't work on this floor maybe I'm procrastinating for nothing. Almost like he could read her thoughts. He smiled. "No she's n0t in neo-natal she's a neurosurgeon like me her names Dr.Charlotte Ramsey I met her when I moved back to New York she's a friend of your sisters."

I eyed him no he couldn't mean Charlie my sisters childhood friend okay well both our childhood friend thats not right somehow. I didn't even realise she was in New York wait haven't been there in quite a while so how would you know if she'd moved there or not. But hooking up with my ex thats just odd wait nevermind thats not odd thats just yea. Wait again she has done this before right thats why we haven't spoken in years. Senior year she stole my hunky boyfriend right out from under my nose. "Oh right Charlie haven't seen her in years," I say. And I don't really want to see her now either.

I feel rather than hear someone come up behind her. Don't ask me why maybe its like some sort of sixth sense but I know she's behind me. I turn around and yup there she was miss blonde woman with nice hair. Okay now I'm sounding like Meredith did I'm sure when she first met me. Huh but I still tower over here good thing for heels and my wonderful height. Why do I feel like letting out an evil cackle. But probably wouldn't work. "Hi Addy," she says. She comes round and wraps her arm around Derek as he does the same she's not as pretty as I remember her. She looks a little sickly actually must be all that dieting that she's done. Oh god thats cruel but I can be cruel I get to be cruel. "How have you been?"

Hmm how have I been? In nineteen years since I caught you in bed with MY boyfriend didn't even care about that at the time did you all you wanted was him all to yourself screw me and wait how come you've got your claws in my ex-husband how did that happen. I plaster a happy smile on my face "hi Charlie well you know nineteen years is a long time lots has happened got married, got divorced, got a good job head of my department and you know all that. How about you?"

Why do I suddenly feel like I'm back in high school and am competiting for the affections of another guy. But the truth was, was that I'm a grown woman I can be civil or I can try to be when I want to be. I can almost see her bring Derek closer and he seems to notice as well and while I assume they are together they aren't that together yet. He untangles their arms. Making a quick escape smart man. "I have to go see to a patient I'll leave you two to catch up," he says. He walks away quickly.

I watch him walk away and then I see Charlotte's about to say something I hold up my hand. "I don't want to hear it seriously stick your apologies. I have patients." I walk away yes I'm a thirty-seven year old woman a surgeon doesn't mean I have to play nice with her. I turn the corner and look back she's still standing there and her mouths gaping. If I was even a little more evil I'd call back but I'm not that type of person. I walk away.

Later that day in Mark and Addy's house

I walk into the house its been way too long a day and I smell food I smile and hang up my coat and put my bag away in the bedroom. I walk in and Mark's at the stove while Keira's setting the table. Sure I'd come home to this every night since well Mark and I moved in but it was still nice. "Evening all," I say. I walk over to Mark and brush my lips over his he wraps his arm around me and pulls me against him and deepens the kiss slightly. "Mm always a nice way to be welcomed home." I pull away and as I walk by I squeeze his ass. I grab some orange juice out the fridge.

Keira looks at me and I tilt my head as I pour some juice for myself. "Why did you treat Charlie like that she doesn't deserve it you know," she says. "She didn't know Derek was your ex until I told her."

I shake my head and look away, "I don't really care Keira I know you say oh it was a long time ago but it hurt me and she didn't even care she just stole him because oh gee it was a conquest to her and she flaunted it in front of my face after she did it as well," I say. I shake my head, "so sorry for putting up a defensive because she's dating my ex-husband."

To be continued...

wee thankyou everyone for reviewing its always nice. Right Charlotte looks like Nicole Kidman the blonde Nicole Kidman. Also YAY Eric Dane has been made a regulur on Grey's Anatomy McSteamy's here to stay.


	3. Chapter 2: Everybody's Fool

_Notes: is it just me or does anyone else notice the fact that Addie is the only attending that the Chief wont shout at. He shouts at both Derek and Preston but never her thats what I like about him._

_Disclaimer: None of the ice cream names belong to me they belong to Ben & Jerry's the best ice cream in the world._

_Chapter 2 ; Everybody's Fool_

_Addie's POV_

_I pout and walk out of my bedroom damn him and damn her to hell and back. And damn Keira as well why couldn't he have found someone else to date. Anyone else in the whole entire world he had to find her in New York. She probably did it on purpose. Though at least I don't have to see her ugly face I have the day off god bless Richards soul the man is my savior. He and I had a heart to heart the other day I'm generally glad that he's still around to order us around. Even though Adelle has made him cut back on certain things like how many hours he spends at the hospital but he doesn't mind too much it could be worst. But here I am its 11am and I'm only getting up now I haven't ever slept in this late in well god knows how long. I don't like days off I don't know what to do with myself. I used to but now I'm not sure._

_And last night has made me think I hated last night because I had a fight with Keira over Charlie yes I may hate the woman but I still use the nickname. She used to be the person that I could tell everything too but that was a long time ago and I hated the fact that she still makes me feel guilty. She said I had too much time for other things. Hey I wanted to become a surgeon so sue me. I had to work my ass off to where I wanted to go but no one especially her and him didn't even notice that fact. It's amazing that Keira even got through medical school. I never thought that she would even go through with her ideas. I guess I have always wondered what would have happened had she and I been still friends. Derek and I probably would have never gotten married thats for sure. I would probably be Dr.Addison Forbes Montgomery-Evans his name my boyfriend yup he was Michael Evans some say I should have married him anyways._

_I shake my head and pop some bread into the toaster and take out some orange juice. Mark sort of understands though I guess no one understands what certain things I have gone through. I hear the doorbell ring and I sigh who would be hear at this time in the morning. Everyone I knew would be at work I walked to the door and opened it. And there stood Meredith Grey. Some people would actually laugh but we're best friends now if you'd told me six months ago that she and I would be friends I would have laughed myself silly, I would have been rolling on the floor in hysterics. But no even our friendship had shocked Christina. But even she and I had come to some sort of agreement anytime the two of them needed to bitch they could come to my house and eat ice cream we had each learnt early on which each of our favourite flavours were. Mine's Karamel Sutra, Mer's is Mint Chocolate Chunk, Christina's is Dublin Mudslide, Izzy's is Marsha, Marsha Marshmallow and George's is yes even George comes Cherry Garcia. The weird people I have associated with. Mark doesn't like ice cream so he doesn't join in. "Hi I guess you've heard about my hate for the new resident," I say. I step back to let her in._

_She gives me a sympathetic look now I know how she must have felt when I turned up that night. I take the ice cream from her and grab spoons from the drawer forgetting the toast for now. Though I popped it up just to make sure it didn't burn or anything. I sit down on the couch while she sits down beside me. "Hey yea Izzy told me everything so what exactly happened between you two I think the story got a little distorted you know after being told a few times," she says. I laugh yea as usual the hospital gossip you have a confrontation in the lobby and by the end of the day the whole hospital knows._

_Wait that was probably why Richard was looking so concerened and offered me a shoulder to cry on. I mean he's a good friend but not that good. He even offered Adelle's services I chuckle she and I talk a lot nowadays I remember that night that Derek left town. She came over to my apartment and practically screamed at me for an hour. Yea and the woman's mouth is nearly as bad as Baileys. I eat a scoop of ice cream. "We'd been friends since kindergarden we'd done everything together there was no secrets between us. But then he transferred Michael Evans he was from Ireland and had that beautiful Irish accent it was our sophmore year and he took an interest in me." I brush my red hair away from my face and take another bite of ice cream. "We started dating I didn't realise how jealous Charlie was she never said anything but then in our senior year I'd heard rumors obviously that he'd been cheating but I didn't listen prom night I found them in bed together. She was pregnant and I fled. I left town as soon as graduation was over."_

_I laugh to myself I critisize Derek for running and I'm pretty good at it too. I feel Meredith put her hand over mine and I smile. "Its not your fault she was a sucky friend maybe it was for the best that it happened you know I mean I know you didn't think of it at the time but maybe in the long run. I mean where would you be if you were still with this Michael guy?" I guess I'd never thought about it that way where would I be I certainly wouldn't be sitting here in a nice house with Meredith as a friend and being a surgeon. Nope wouldn't have any of that. I'd be stuck exactly where my mother said I would have been stuck if I had stuck with Michael Evans._

_I shuddered at the thought of the fact that maybe I would have been stuck in a small town for my whole life being a paedatrician. I knew I'd always wanted to be a doctor of some sort and work with children. But I had made sure that I had gotten out and made my other dream come true seeing the world. If I'd stayed with Michael I'd never have met Derek yea and for everything we've put each other through I wouldn't change that for a million dollars. "I'd be leaving in my hometown yeek working as the paedatrician because I'd always wanted to be a doctor I'd have the normal married life with the kids and I'd be bored out of my mind," I say. And that was the truth._

_There was a time I would have given anything to have that. Back in high school I would have given an arm and a leg to be normal and make things for my perfect little life that would be there. But that never happened because I had been planning to move away and give Michael an ultimatum. "I think your life is a whole lot better for the fact that Michael cheated on you," Meredith says. _

_I nod and take another scoop of ice cream she's right I know she's right but it doesn't make my life any easier. I mean here I am pregnant only a handfull of people know and the fact that I don't even know whom the father is thats whats scaring me the most. I mean okay truth be told I wouldn't mind either one of them but it would kind of screw things up if it turned out to be Dereks. But is it small of me to wish some part of me it was his. But thats small I mean I want it to be Marks. And I hate me even more. "I know your right but just seeing her has brought so many things up it hurts if you know what I mean I never understood why she did it I thought she's my best friend what type of person does that?"_

_I see Meredith shrug her shoulders and I almost feel like saying see exactly not even you know the answer to that question but anyways I wouldn't say anything._

_To be continued..._

_Yea that was short and its not even very meaningfull but there will be a bigger update with a big surprise._


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